So my kid had a friend over today. She’s a nice kid and they play really well together. There is rarely the “mom....we’re bored” moment. But I must confess that I break into a cold sweat every time this kid does come over because I never know what to feed her. She is quite the picky eater. And I don’t mean the “I only like chicken nuggets” kind of picky eater. She is a picky eater on a GRAND scale. She doesn’t eat sweets, no cookies or chips. She only likes certain fruits and vegetables, will only eat her “brand” of mac and cheese or tortillas. One time I asked what she’d like for lunch and she said tea smoked duck. I almost choked on my own spit. Another time I invited her family for dinner but they stopped at a restaurant and ordered take out for her. Her parents say she has a discerning palate.....I call it a case of the tail wagging the dog.
No matter! I was not going to cater to the whim of an 11 year old girl with tastes out of my price range! She’d have to suck it up like the rest of us mere mortals and eat what I cooked or starve. It’s not like I’m feeding her iguana or rat poison. I’m lucky in that my kid will eat anything. She recently emerged from the kitchen with a corn tortilla filled with tiny pickles topped with ketchup. She thought she had hit the snack lotto. I thought it was time for me to call the white van.
So I was rummaging thru the cupboards trying to come up with something that would satisfy both girls and voila! I found a packet of yeast and a small can of crushed tomatoes. There was some fresh basil and some cheese in the fridge that were both still good, so I thought I’d make pizza! Ok, I could have called Domino’s but why? This was cheaper and I think tastier and it meant I didn’t have to go anywhere or call anyone. I was just too damn lazy. Not to mention I just found this pizza dough recipe and it was so easy to make and so tasty, it was like a goddamn Christmas miracle! Seriously, until I found this pizza dough recipe, the only yeast I could grow was in my crotch.
And then I thought why not make this a two-fer: I could make the dough and just let the girls make their own pizzas! Fan-fucking-tastic! This way I was feeding them and expanding their brains with a craft (it also allowed me to watch The People’s court uninterrupted). I was Martha By Laziness with a side of Uber parent due to the craft quotient. It would have been complete if I had grown my own tomatoes or made the cheese myself but fuck that.
And shock of shocks, both girls ate every bite. The RedHead’s friend made her pizza “her way” so she had no one to blame but herself if she didn’t like it. She even tried some stuff on it that she had never eaten before and actually liked it. Of course The RedHead put stuff on her pizza that I wouldn’t feed a dog....she needs some serious help. And me....I sat in my chair, watching the ignorant argue over a cell phone bill, eating a slice of homemade pizza and sipping a glass of vino. I fucking love Martha Stewart!
RECIPE
Hey, so here is the recipe for the miracle dough so you too can become Martha by Laziness!
1 packet active dry yeast
1/4 cup hot water (110 degrees)
1 teaspoon sugar
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup hot water
Combine the yeast, the sugar and 1/4 cup hot water in a large bowl (or combine them in a Cuisinart but don’t turn it on) and wait for the yeast to bubble. About 10 minutes.
When the yeast has bubbled, add the 2 cups flour, the salt and the 3/4 cup hot water and mix (if using the Cuisinart, pulse until combined, but don’t pulse too much).
Turn the dough onto a floured surface, sprinkle with more flour and knead for a few minutes.
Wipe the inside of a large bowl with olive oil and put the finished dough in it. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise in a warm place (I let it rise next to the stove) for about 1-2 hours.
Next place a pizza stone in the oven and pre-heat the oven to 550 degrees so that the stone can get super hot (yes, your house will smell like it’s on fire but you want it that hot!)
When the dough has doubled in size, turn it out onto an upside down cookie sheet topped with parchment paper and sprinkled with flour. The dough is very easy to use so just move the dough around until you get the desired shape. Top with whatever you like.
Here is my favorite part.....slide the dough WITH THE PARCHMENT on to the pizza stone. After 3 minutes, the dough will be cooked enough so you can pull the parchment out from under the pizza (you may need some tongs to hold the pizza in place while you pull the parchment out). This new revelation has opened a whole new pizza making world for me!!!
Turn the oven onto broil. The stone will still cook the bottom of the pizza while the broiler will cook the top. Each oven varies so keep checking on it until it looks done and the crust looks browned.
TOPPINGS: Mr. P and I like something called The Florentine Pizza. It’s topped with spinach, sauteed in olive oil, fresh garlic, oregano and finished with some grated Romano cheese. So delish! And for a regular pie, just use any sauce you like or even crushed tomatoes and add your own spices and a dash of olive oil. Use any cheese you have on hand.
Does anyone remember the FedCo (may it rest in peace)? Did you ever try their pizza? They used to make it with cheddar cheese. Super good!!!
