Ass Kicking

So sorry I've been away for so long. I had the flu. The word ‘flu’ is actually too small a word for what I had. This was a fucking ass kicking. The doc said it was ‘influenza type B’ - translated it means ass kicking. And it was my fault. While my friend bathed herself in hand sanitizer with every pass thru a turnstile at Disneyland, I wandered thru like a rebel! A rogue! No hand sanitizing for me! I rubbed my eyes, I touched my face, I chewed my fingers. "Come and get me, Flu!" It did.

So while Influenza type B was kicking my ass, it was tempered a bit by some of the most amazing tv viewing in years - because when I’m sick I get to watch the tube....guilt free.

Here are a few things I was watching....in case you care. There's a whole lotta of crap out there and I love it!

Some commercials that I loved......let's face it, sometimes the commercials are better than the fucking shows!

 Velveeta Shells and Cheese.

Liquid gold!

 A squirrel in a tree talking like Kwai Chang Caine about the miracle of Pepto Bismol. Fanfuckingtastic!

 Fancy Bear! What the fuck is this? Who thought of this? 

Yeah, this rocks.

I also saw a number of flix, like Karate Kid, Network, Adventures in Babysitting, and a few Hitchcock films from the 30's. But none made me feel as good as these two....

Easy Money with Rodney Dangerfield. 
One of my faves. This proves that I was indeed 
an obese, drunk man in a past life.

 Back to School - in a word, Sam Kinison

And now, how's about a little snippit of some of the wonderful, delicious, crap TV shows I got to watch....God bless cable!

Shaw's of Sunset - BravoTv any time of day or night. I grew up in West Los Angeles in the 80's....it reminds me of home.....
 

Hillbilly Handfishing - Sunday 10pm, Animal Planet
Any show that spotlights obese men with hairy backs teaching people to fish in a muddy lake using their big toe as bait, is a full on Crap-Bo-Nanza!

Any Real Housewives - BravoTv - anytime of any day Holy mother! These bitches are so nipped and tucked....just like Joan Rivers said, when they smile their left legs go up. Here's my fave housewife, Mama Elsa....She looks just like Jabba the Hut. Take a gander:

RuPaul's Drag Race - Logo Fuck Project Runway! These bitches got it going on!

 
Any judge show - on any time of day on any channel
The People's Court, Judge Ross, Judge Judy, Divorce Court, Judge Joe Brown, Judge Mathis, Judge Alex,  - Human beings are dumb. Here's a montage of my fave, Marilyn Milian from The People's Court - just check out a minute of it and you'll see why...

The Sisterhood - TLC - whenever you can find it. Think you've seen 'em all? This one is about the wives of preachers....Praise Jesus!

  
My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding - Here's one about gypsies and their weddings and their bad skin and their bad teeth and their fried hair and their halitosis and their trailers. Good times indeed.

 
And if none of these are floating your boat? The Big Bang Theory is on ALL DAY EVERY DAY....ON EVERY CHANNEL!!! 

Ok - now that I'm feeling better, I'm back doing all the crap that I wasn't able to do when I was sick.....and I don't mean thrift shopping or sewing or coming up with some fun thing to cook.....I mean cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping.....UGH!  

Thank God for Tivo!