The fam and I just got back from our yearly road trip to visit my sister in Arizona. Those who are in the know, know that my sis and I have had our rocky road.....technically I’ve wanted to kill her since 1972. But we’ve come to a mutual understanding about each other so no attempted murders have occurred within the past few years.
My sis has a very nice position at a swanky hotel in Phoenix so we are lucky enough to enjoy the perks of her position - in other words, we get a sweet deal on one of those crazy mega-rooms at a huge 4-star hotel with crazy air conditioning, a lazy river and many poolside bars! Can you say “Pina Colada?” oh yessss!
Mr.P and I love a road trip and usually rent an abnormally large American car for the 5-6 hour drive out. We own much smaller, air-conditioned-challenged vehicles which are no bueno for the Arizona heat. This also gives us a chance to drive a car with an engine the size of our house so we can go 90 miles an hour without the car sounding like it’s gonna explode.
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| Now that's a poor bastard! |
I love the drive on the 10 east. I love kitch and crap and this drive is full of it! I am in love with Americana probably because I was raised to abhor it. We stop at places like Cabazon and check out the dinosaurs and eat at the Wheel Inn (the best home fries anywhere.) We also like Quartzite and hope to one day to dine at the “world famous” Quartzite Yacht Club (yes, a yacht club in the desert). I love the names of the towns along the route like Blythe and Needles - they actually look like their names. And I know we’re close when we hit the Tonopah Travel Center. I love shopping at any drug store or mini-mart and when they're along the interstate, it’s fucking cake.
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| This place has the best bathrooms.....and homemade fudge! |
Most people can’t understand why we would go to Arizona, and in the crazy heat of summer no less, but frankly who the fuck cares. The heat sucks - it’s god-awful, but I like that no one seems to be phased by it. As my sister once said “I just go from my air conditioned house to my air conditioned car to my air conditioned job. What heat?” (picture Mayim Bialik’s character on the Big Bang Theory saying this)
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How much is that in US dollars?
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I like the sights of Arizona. Like the guy walking down the street in 113 degree heat, wearing a long sleeved shirt, smoking a cigarette and wearing a hat made out of an old box. Or the guy on the Harley with no helmet (that’s legal in AZ) with a knife on one side of his belt (yeah, that’s legal too) and a gun on the other (yup even that). Or the sign at the restaurant that reads “Please leave all guns at the counter.” I like the people in Arizona. I like that the hipster factor hasn’t really hit here yet. There are no guys wearing skinny jeans or fake glasses and fedora’s. Haven’t seen one Prius in Arizona yet :) The tattoos in Arizona are images of people loved and lost, not homages to the onion or other favorite foods or cooking utensil. I love that everyone by the pool at our hotel is as pale and pasty as me and that they don’t give a shit if their ass is the size of a Buick, they’re getting in that pool Goddammit!
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| 'Shaque" with a "Q" - nice! |
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People....Welcome to Donna Jean's Libations!
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And this might sound horrible and callus but god bless the old people moving out west and dying so that I might find some of the most amazing treasures that have been graciously left at my favorite Phoenix area thrift shops. Seriously you haven’t thrift shopped until you’ve done it in Arizona.
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My muse (aka: my sis) found this Gucci scarf for $1.00 at a Phoenix thrift shop
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From the Goodwill in Scottsdale. They look so sad!
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I love Arizona and I can’t wait to go back! More Indian fry bread with green chili sauce, more of D’s delicious grilling and horrible puns, more thrifting with my muse - aka: my sis, and more pina colada’s by the lazy river with my big fat pasty pale ass! You can keep your Cabo and your Hawaii! I’m goin’ to Phoenix baby......in that crazy hot motherfucking summer sun!
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| Looks tasty! I like any place that has an RV in the parking lot! |
