I used to enjoy date night with Mr.P. We’d go out, order a few cocktails, have some nosh, chit chat about all kinds of crap and it was great. But now there are four of us on date night: Me, Mr.P and our phones. I thought I was smart and funny and full of witty repartee until he got that damn phone. Now when he needs an answer or affirmation he whips out his phone......I feel dumber and dumber with each swipe of his finger. It’s gotten to the point to where he asks me a question, and I don’t even answer it....I just tell him to Google it. I'm not an innocent here either....while he's looking something up on his phone, I'm usually texting someone else to complain that he's on his phone. Yeah, I'm a douche.
“Honey, it’s in the cloud!” Fuck you and fuck the cloud. I hate hearing that phrase, 'it's in the cloud'. I don't want it in the cloud, I want it right here right now!
I miss my Technics receiver,
I miss my Sony dual tape deck
and I miss those Pioneer speakers that were the size of my car.
Remember those days when all you had to do was pop a cassette into the player or the record on the turntable and there was music? Do I sound really, really old right now? I used to make my own mixed tapes, then I'd pop that tape into my Blaupunkt car stereo, adjust my EQ, and I cruise the Westwood Village in style. So simple. So easy. To try to listen to one song from my phone takes about as long to accomplish as law school. First I have to press the little button with the music note on it then I have to click ‘artist’ or ‘album’ or ‘playlist’ or ‘genre’ or if I want, I can press the ‘genius’ button and have the phone pick a song for me (like I can’t find my own goddamn song!!) - and then I have to download the fucking song from the fucking cloud. Downloading from the cloud takes about as long as it takes for the RedHead to clean her room. And I’d better have good reception or it’ll take forever to hear the damn thing. I get that it saves space and all your stuff is in in one place....I get it, I get it.....I GET IT!!! I miss my tape deck.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am not technologically savvy. I mean I’ve figured out how to check my email and how to take a pretty good photo and of course, how to text (I'm real good at that!) but that's about the extent of my computer knowledge. Even trying to put the photos on this blog took me 3 weeks! My car has no idea about technology either. It still has a carburetor. People stare at me because I use a key to open it. I still can’t figure out how to use the stereo in Mr.P’s car - I feel like I’m on the Space Shuttle. And let’s not discuss how I can never figure out how to answer the phone when it rings in his car....you know, thru the speakers and the radio and the thing with the thing and the thing.....OY!
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| My car keys |
Mr.P thinks I don't like technology and that's simply not true. I mean I love my Tivo and I love central air. It's just that it seems like there is nothing else in the world that's more important than the release of the newest, most best smart phone and I just can’t keep up with it. I mean I’ve tried and tried to understand my computer and my phone but just when I start to figure it out, they change it. It’s like learning English all over again.
I'm one of those folks who likes looking thru the dictionary, I like reading the paper and turning the pages, I like opening a physical book or thumbing thru a magazine, I like to write my own ‘to do’ lists with this crazy contraption called a pencil. And I think I’m the only person under 80 that still manually dials phone numbers....I know, It’s nuts. Mr.P can't understand why I'm so adamant about not figuring out the phone or the computer. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't. I just don't have that brain. And now I'm starting to resent our reliance on them, you know? I mean you can't go anywhere without people being on them. It's getting creepy. As the French say, “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
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| A diagram of my engine....no computer |
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| My handset |
